have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
