dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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