i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Randomize