I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
