I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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