I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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