i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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