I'm pants shitting drunk right now
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize