Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
