i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
