Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
they need to just BURY HIM!
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
