me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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