Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
