apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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