How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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