After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Randomize
