Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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