Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
