so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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