Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
