Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
