I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
