you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i dont even know how to be here
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
