before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Sacagawea was the original milf.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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