Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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