Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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