he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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