how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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