This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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