My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
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I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
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Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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