They should really pass out barf bags in church
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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