I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
