dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
