PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
