I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
