Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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