I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
