I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
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I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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