I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
