i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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