Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
