No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
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Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
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I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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