you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
