Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
how drunk are you?
Several
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I'm having to shit out rocks
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
