Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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