I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
