We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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