Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
