Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
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I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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