How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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