Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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