I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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