i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
