Well douche your snatch and let's go!
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
