We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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