My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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