Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
