she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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