Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
i think i just lost a toe
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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