I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
