Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I am naked and annoyed.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
