I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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