im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
